Tag Archives: Allah

Day 21: 30 Good Deeds In Ramadan

 

DAY TWENTY-ONE: Forgive Yourself

Ladies and gentlemen…

We have reached the most important part of the month
The stage we’ve all been preparing for…
The master scene of the whole year…
The last ten nights of Ramadan, where the Prophet himself (may peace and blessings be upon him) would stay up all night and wake up his whole household to strive hard in worship (Bukhari and Muslim)

 

Now I’ll relate a little scenario and you guys tell me if it sounds familiar, okay?

“Last ten days. I can’t afford to miss on them I really CAN’T!
If I read three chapters a day, I’ll finish the whole Qur’an in these ten days! Not a biggie, ha?”

Two days later…

“Oops I’ve wasted so much time I’m still on chapter four!” Eyes dart left and right “You know what, it’s really the odd nights that count. Yup, I’ll pray hard and worship Allah every second of every minute on those odd nights!”
Two days later…

“Fine, I’ve wasted more precious time but really, who are we kidding, we both know Laylat Al Qadr is probably on the night of the 27th, right? I’m acing it, watch and see…”

And then the most amazing thing happens…
You sit in worship for the whole night till sunrise.
You finish reading the whole Qur’an, all 604 pages in two hours, and pray 77 Raka’s then go to sleep and get a vivid sign in your dreams, that yes it was Laylat Al Qadr and yes you’ve definitely gotten the reward of 1000 months of worship…. And yes….
You’ve been reborn.
(Probably not what happens at all but I just wanted you guys to have this amazing feeling for a couple of seconds loool)

Because it is an amazing feeling…

For 355 days we’re out and about, unfocused and perhaps living our lives mindlessly.
And then come those ten nights, we find the will and power within us to invest in our eternal lives.

To focus on the unseen part of reality.
To realize these ten nights are precious gifts.
Our prayers won’t make Allah more Magnificent or more Dominant.
It’s us who need them the most. It’s US who need to gather as much good as possible before we check out and pay for our bad deeds. (Oh I just remembered something about bad deeds, but I don’t wanna lose my train of thoughts. Can you please remind me to write about it later? Thanks lool)
Maybe we don’t know it now, but we trust our beloved when he insisted over and over and explained how priceless these last ten nights are.

So do your best.
Do the best you can…

And if you find yourself running away from Allah, instead of running to Him with your fears, hopes and pains, then maybe there’s a reason..
Probably the same reason why many of us don’t make the best out of the best of nights..

Some of us don’t know how to face the Qiblah and stand before Allah, when we can’t even face ourselves with all our faults.

Some of us can’t get closer to Allah, because deep inside, there’s a barrier between our souls and our minds…

Some of us refuse to reap the rewards of those precious nights because we’re so disappointed at our own failures; we feel we deserve nothing in return…

Some of us have an inner anger, like this rage towards the world, and it’s blinding us from reaching out to Allah…

And some of just are just drained and lost…
We don’t know how to move on with the future, when deep down we know we could have done better in the past..
We drag our mistakes with us every where we go; and have no earthly idea of how to put the burden of guilt down on the ground

Some of us can’t make Du’aa..
Can’t focus in prayer and can’t absorb the words of the Holy Qur’an.
And it’s not because we’re shallow
It’s because we’re too immersed in the guilt and pain of the past

There’s no levels here, for you’ll always be a beginner when you’re trying to heal…
It’s time to make peace with your broken pieces…

Promise me…
When you stand before your Lord asking for His forgiveness..
Know for sure that He has already forgiven you there and then
Your past doesn’t define you. It really doesn’t…
Promise you’ll start the special ten nights with renewed hope
It’s the first step to get closer to Almighty Allah
Start a new page with your Lord
And do what He has already done
Forgive….
‘You’….

 

Tonight… all you need to do
Is forgive yourself…
 

 

Lilly S. Mohsen

 

 

 

 

Day 17: 30 Good Deeds In Ramadan

 

DAY SEVENTEEN: Grow Through What Others Go Through

You never know when it might happen….
Where you would be or how you’d react…

It was almost 4am.
I had just finished praying Fajr (after swallowing two very much needed sleeping pills), checked on kids and finally closed my eyes, to takeoff to dream world.
It wasn’t long before the high-pitched ringing sound of my phone zonked me right back to reality.
My heart pounded louder than cranes drilling through brick walls. I picked up the phone shivering. It was my sister.
“HELP! My house is on FIRE!”

Think about it about for a minute, will you…?

Because we are all a car accident, a kitchen fire, a blood test, or even a phone call away from becoming completely different people..
The homeless, the bedridden terminal patients, the girls who were brutally raped, the innocent prisoners and the burn victims..
They all could have easily been you and me.
They didn’t ask for it. They didn’t see it coming. They couldn’t have prevented it. And they never thought they’d suffer for years, all for one unpredictable incident.

Because you never know when it might happen….
Where you would be or how you’d react…
You never know what the future is hiding for us, and no matter how hard we try, we can’t prevent the unknown.
Only Allah can….

Beginners Level:

Prayers and paying it forward. Those are the two paths to peace.
When you’re down on your knees begging Allah for the things you need.
Asking Him to take your pain away.
Asking Him to forgive your sins and fill your life with joy
Remember to thank Him and ask for the biggest blessing of all…
Prevention.

Make sure you stay on the right track. Make sure you pay it forward by helping those in need, any way you can, so Allah can help you when you need Him the most…

Advanced Level:

Perhaps you can’t prevent calamities or problems, but you can surely be part of the solution.
You can help put an end to even ONE person’s suffering, or give hope to someone who’s hanging on by a thread.
This is a personal request to try save burn victims, with the intention of being saved from the Hellfire (God forbid)

We don’t have to wait to be knocked down before we can stand up.
Let us grow through learning from what others go through.
And instead of being scared of suffering, let’s take part in the miracle of healing.

Here’s how…

AhlMasr Burn Victims
Donate to one of the following Burn Victim Rescue Channels
Burn Rescue Online: http://www.burnrescue.org/
Children’s Burn Foundation: http://childburn.org/
Egypt’s Burn Unit http://www.ahl-masr.org/donate-online

I know this post is a bit intense and so out of the blues
You’re gonna have to forgive me for that because there’s a Eid surprise for those who do loool
But maybe reading this today is a blessing in disguise
Because we all have fears, and this is your chance to ask Allah, the Most Merciful, during these blessed nights, to please not test you with trials involving your worst fear.
It’s a chance to beg Allah to prevent the ‘worst’, and that alone is probably one of the ‘best’ blessings…
May Allah protect us and all our loved ones
Amen
 

Lilly S. Mohsen

 

 

Day Nine: 30 Good deeds In Ramadan

DAY NINE: Do It Once From The Heart

Is it really day 9?
So the first third of Ramadan is almost over?
I’m sure you guys know the widespread Hadith breaking up the Holy month into three stages

Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) said, “The first part of the month of Ramadan is mercy, the middle of it is forgiveness and the end of it is freedom from the Hellfire.” (Bihar al-Anwar, Vol.: 93, Pg.: 342)

Even though some say it’s a weak narration but still, I believe it serves as a roadmap for believers.
A roadmap of ‘very much needed’ hope….

And now that the first part of the Holy month is almost over, tell me, how do you feel….?
Are you tired or still gearing up for full speed?
Do you think Allah has accepted us yet…?
Do you think we’re at least nominated to join the group He’s pleased with?
Do you think….
He loves you and me?

We endure the heat of the hot summer days, feel the inside of our throats cracking slowly from the thirst, and feel the tiredness sinking in, but we push through the day till dawn. And when it’s time for iftar, we hold back for an extra minute, holding a cup of water with our eyes closed, resisting the urge to take a sip, until we finish whispering a special prayer, asking Allah to forgive the sins of the past, grant us a better future in the next life or to just heal the pain only He knows about…

Day in day out, we repeat the same pattern of “pushing through- inhaling our food- praying- reciting Qur’an- more food (plus gulping down tanks of water at suhour time)- pray- sleep- wake up- push through”
I think by the first week, we’re kind of on autopilot, right?

Except genuine feelings can never fit into a daily pattern. They need to be felt, touched and cried out….

You need to pause and think for a second, right here, right now, ‘has Allah accepted me yet…?’
Does Allah really love me…? And more importantly, do I love Him with all my heart…?

What will happen to us on the Day of Judgment? Will we find heaps of sins we once thought were ‘no big deals’? Or will we find heaps of rewards stacked up because of our little acts of kindness we also thought were ‘no big deal’?
Will we be pardoned or will He ask us tough questions? Questions we’ll be too ashamed to answer?

“Did you truly understand who you were standing before when your mind wandered during prayer?”
“You knew your sister was heart broken, why did you look the other way?”
“You had dinner tables rolled out for you while others down the street were starving. Why didn’t you help?”
“You found out some ‘hot gossip’ about this person and didn’t waste time spreading it. Haven’t I concealed your faults?”
“”You had books, internet, research facilities, lectures and countless resources to learn your religion and teach it to your kids. What else were you busy with that was more important than pleasing your Lord?”

Tears roll down when I think of this day…

I know Allah is Merciful but He’s also Fair, and let’s face it, we haven’t been through a fraction of what true believers have been through, and we’ve done so little compared to others: those in war zones, those who are homeless or suffer from chronic illnesses or disabilities. Those whose faith is severely tested through loss, deprivation and torture. I know I shouldn’t think that way, because it’s the intention that matters and Allah is the final Judge. I’m just scared we’re all doing the ‘high-five-great-job’ kind of thing and secretly being full of ourselves after praying ‘Taraweeh’ every night or doing a teeny-tiny good deed, when in reality we’re just sabotaging our relationship with Allah.

I know it sounds pessimistic and morbid, but it’s something we need to consider too.
Are we doing it all from the heart?
Ya Allah have you accepted us yet…?
Are You pleased with us?
Do You like to hear our voices…?

And then I remember this beautiful Hadith where Allah says:

“He who comes with a good deed, its reward will be ten like that or even more. And he who comes with vice, his reward will be only one like that, or I can forgive him. He who draws close to Me a hand’s span, I will draw close to him an arm’s length. And whoever draws near Me an arm’s length, I will draw near him a fathom’s length. And whoever comes to Me walking, I will go to him running. And whoever faces Me with sins nearly as great as the earth, I will meet him with forgiveness nearly as great as that, provided he does not worship something with me. (Muslim, Ibn Majah and Ahmad).

 

He doesn’t expect perfection…
He promised to be there for you… even when you’re broken
Even when you’ve sinned…
Even when you’re scared and weak and a total mess…
Just run to Him, humble and sincere, and He will accept you….
Just talk to Him from the heart, and He will listen and respond, no matter what you’ve done or said…
For once He loves you, this emptiness you feel inside will be washed away; that emptiness that nothing and no one can fill expect the genuine love for your Merciful Creator…

I’m sorry I don’t know why I can’t stop crying. I’m a bit emotional today…
Plus, I found ants all over the piece of chocolate I saved for Iftar, so I’m also partly crying about that too LOL

Day Nine’s act of kindness is directed towards you. There is no better deed than filling that void in your soul by drawing closer to Allah… and those who’ve felt the ‘closeness’ before know exactly what I mean…

Beginners Level:

Ask…
Ask Allah to love you and to make you love Him. Tonight, ask Allah with sincerity and humility, not for Paradise or refuge from the fire, but for His love, and for Him to love you back…

Advanced Level:

Do something to show you’re serious about your request. Spend the whole day asking again and again. Help someone who can never repay you or do a secret good deed just for His sake. And then ask for that love we all desperately need.

 

Sheeeshhhh
Intense task, huh?
But you know what, when you ask the One who calls Himself ‘The Generous’ and ‘The Giver’, you’ll be granted so many blessings you didn’t even know existed.
It only takes one time…

One time from the heart…

 

 

Lilly S. Mohsen

Day Five: 30 Good deeds In Ramadan

DAY FIVE

4 down, 26 to go!
So which chapter of the Qur’an did you guys reach?
I’m ashamed to admit I’m a bit behind schedule. I hear about people who finish reading the whole Quran 32 times in Ramadan alone, and I’m like “HOWWWW!”

Anyways, so today I had the most amazing dessert after Iftar. My sister makes the BEST chocolate cake in the entire universe! (MashAllah). Except, the weird part is that even if you follow the recipe EXACTLY step by step, it never turns out this good! The cake she makes is a little piece of heaven; your faith in humanity is literally restored with every bite.

I talk comfortably about my chocolate addiction because I like to believe my lovely readers accept me for who I am, with my flaws and my severe ‘nochocophobia’ (which is the fear of running out of chocolate. Hey! No judging in the Holy month).

It makes me wonder about everyone else’s irrational fears, especially the ones who can’t really express it, like babies and pets, plants and/or people with special needs.

I was looking outside my window today, saw the birds on the trees and couldn’t help but feel a little bit selfish. We are sometimes so unaware of our surroundings. There are so many untold stories around us, so many neglected lives. We never really stop to think about these creatures, about what scares them, what they’re missing and what makes them twitter happily.

And so I came across a beautiful hadith where one of the companions narrates: “We were on a journey and during the prophet’s absence, we saw a bird with its two chicks; we took them. The mother bird was circling above us in the air, beating its wings in grief. When Prophet Muhammad returned he said. “Who has hurt the feelings of this bird by taking its chicks? Return them to her” (Sahih Muslim)

Ya habib albyyyyyyyy ya Rasoul Allah
(That’s me gushing and marveling at our beloved Prophet in Arabic).
He’s SO considerate and caring and loving, he doesn’t even wanna hurt a little bird’s feelings.
That’s how our hearts are supposed to be…
So here’s your Day Five’s act of kindness:
It’s doing something good for the creatures that can’t tell us their stories, but have feelings, fears and hopes just like us…

Beginners Level:
Go out of your way to feed or take care of an animal today. It could be as simple as putting breadcrumbs and a bowl of water on your window for the birds.

Advanced Level:

If you’re a pet owner, do something extra special for it today.
If not, think about adopting a pet, or help those stray animals on the street by taking them to the nearest shelter. You have NO idea how much you’ll be rewarded for taking care of a helpless, homeless animal. Remember the story about the loose woman who had all her sins forgiven and went to Jannah just because she gave water to a thirsty dog on the street? This could be you! (Not the ‘loose woman’ part of course. I meant the ‘Jannah and forgiveness’ part!)

Hope you guys have a blessed night…

See you tomorrow inshAllah

 

Lilly S. Mohsen

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lilly S. Mohsen

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lilly S. Mohsen

Day Three: 30 Good Deeds In Ramadan

 

DAY THREE

 

Raise your hand if you’ve had a ‘tougher-than-expected’ day today.

I know I’ll probably sound like a HORRIBLE mom, but for real, I have a son that can easily be nominated for the ‘Best Human Version Of A Headache’ award.

You guys remember him, right? I kinda whine about him and his autism a lot. But I shouldn’t whine in this blessed month. I should embrace his condition and accept it for what it is. I guess we tend to be short-tempered when we’re fasting, even though the whole point of this deprivation is to learn and practice ‘beautiful patience’.

Alright I’m switching to positive mode now.

He’s not that bad, he’s actually really funny when you get to know him. So today about two hours before Maghreb, and after telling him over and over how super proud I was that he’d been fasting the WHOLE day, he opens the fridge, takes out a yogurt cup and rips it open.

“Whoa, Yasseen it’s not time for Iftar yet!”
“I know”
“Ummm you’re not gonna eat that, are you?’

“Of course! How else can I continue fasting without having a snack in the middle of the day, ha?”
“Makes sense. Would you like some grapes with that?”
“What? Mom, NO! I’m FASTING! Just the yoghurt thanks”

But enough about us. How was your day?
Ready for your next challenge?
Well, here it comes…

FullSizeRender

 

Family isn’t just one thing, it’s EVERYTHING!
Family is the place where you’ll love and feel loved no matter what happens. It’s the circle of trust. The warm hug shielding us from all the craziness and despair. Oh my Lord, please keep my family safe for me. I love them all so much. I wish I could praise them one by one and tell you all about their awesomeness and quirks, but it’s almost time for my daily reality show named ‘Battles of the Bedtime’ and I need all my energy to knock the kids down LOL.

Okay so your act of kindness for Day 3 is to make a ‘priceless memory’ with a beloved family member.

Beginners Level:

Ask one of your close family members this question: ‘How can I make your day better?’
And then actually DO what they ask.
Married men must choose their wives for this exercise. (Not optional)
The rest of you guys can pick whomever you want, no problem LOL.

Advanced Level:

Who doesn’t love surprises? Sometimes it feels good to get what you want without even asking for it.

So for the advanced level, make an educated guess about what would make them happy and do it without asking. It could be helping with chores, playing a game with the kids, baking a favorite dessert… Okay I should stop giving you ideas coz I’m sure you guys know your family better.

 

What did I do?

I’m still a rookie with this whole Ramadan-goals thing so I’m realistically practicing the beginners level at least for week one inshAllah.
I asked my daughter when she came back from school (cross eyed and parched after a long day of fasting) what I could do to make her day better.

“I’ve been dreaming of donuts all day. But I don’t think coffee shops even sell donuts in Ramadan. You know what, forget it”

That wasn’t the problem really. I think it was more the ‘embarrassment’ than the ‘scarcity’ that I had troubles with. We live in a Muslim country, girl! I mean imagine the awkwardness.

“Do you guys sell donuts?’
“You mean Konafa”
“No I mean donuts”

Salesperson looks me up and down with disgust like I belong to the ‘Kuffar’ group or something. You literally feel like you’ve violated the sanctity of the Holy month if you don’t constantly crave Eastern food. (I don’t know if Western Muslims have that problem though)

Anyways, I got her a dozen and she was so happy, and utterly touched by the gesture.
Was it a ‘priceless memory’? I ‘Donut’ know LOL

I just ruined the moment, didn’t I?

Oh well, I’ll go die now.

See you guys tomorrow.

 

Lilly S. Mohsen

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lilly S. Mohsen

DAY TWO: 30 Good deeds In Ramadan

DAY TWO

Soooooooooooooo?

How was your first day of fasting? Oh my God tell me everything! (Unless you’re still fasting of course, in which case I’ll walk backwards slowly from your cranky fumes and we can talk after Iftar. Really it’s no problem)

On the bright side, most of us have had (or will be having) their first iftar with the whole family. I had mine with my parents, siblings, kids, in-laws, nieces and nephews, with the background music of my newest baby nephew, screaming at the top of his lungs. (I call him Prince Bayazeed, but that’s a different story for another day).

It’s such a blessing to be with your family around this time of year. And for those of you who aren’t, I’m sure Allah understands and sees how much you miss them, and will reward you trifold for that alone.

Okay, so now that I’ve woken up from my ‘First-Iftar’ coma with no major mental deficits, let’s talk about today’s act of kindness….

When Prophet Muhammad (Peace be upon him) was asked about the BEST act in Islam, his first reply was ‘feeding the poor’ (Bukhari and Muslim). And it’s Ramadan guys. Even the poor are fasting so it’s hunger over hunger.

 

poor

I guess it makes sense to start the BEST month with the BEST act so here it goes.
Ready?

Beginners Level:

Donate money to a food bank , a charity specialized in feeding poor families or an online organization like ‘Feed The Children’ or “Share The Meal”

One of my favorites is The Egyptian Food Bank. You can text this number 9595 and they’ll charge your bill for an extra 5 pounds that goes to feeding the poor. I usually don’t type anything in the message, I just send the ‘red rose’ icon. I hope the male workers there don’t take it the wrong way looool.

Advanced Level:

-Add action to the good intention by joining one of those active groups getting together to cook and pack Ramadan meals for the poor.
-You can also make extra food at home and give it out yourself to the poor people in your neighborhood.
-Volunteer at one of those Soup kitchens (I’ve always wanted to do that) and of course you’d be extra lucky to find one specially developed for Muslims, especially if you live in the West. But that’s the good part, it doesn’t matter, hungry people are still in need no matter what religion they belong to, and for that you’ll surely be rewarded.

That’s all for now folks

Gotta go barge into my teen daughter’s room for no reason what so ever. You know, just to check on things and let her know she’s under surveillance!
I heard you’re not considered a real parent unless you do that LOL

Ramadan Kareem my lovelies

See you tomorrow inshAllah

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Lilly S. Mohsen

Day One: Good Deeds In Ramadan

Day One: 

Wow I can’t believe the year has passed so quickly. We were JUST preparing sohoor like two weeks ago!
Anyways so let’s talk business.

It’s Day One of our 30-Day Ramadan Challenge, and I was thinking what’s the BEST thing to start this Holy month with?

And that’s when I came across this beautiful Hadith

“My people (Ummah) are granted five gifts that no prophet before me had been given.
First, when it is the first night of Ramadan, Allah looks at His servants. He will never punish those at whom He looks.
Second, the smell of their mouths when night approaches is more pleasant [to Allah] than the scent of musk.
Third, angels seek Allah’s forgiveness for them everyday and night.
Fourth, Allah commands Paradise saying, ‘Be prepared and adorned for My servants; they are about to be relieved from the pains of the worldly life and move to My Home and Honor.’ Fifth, when it is the last night (of Ramadan) Allah forgives the sins of all people.” (Ahmad and Al-Bazzar)

 

Tonight, the first night of Ramadan, we close the door to the past, take a deep breath and open the door to the blessings of new beginnings….

Ramadan-pray

Take a moment to absorb the magnitude of this Holy month. Do you know how many Muslims died last week? LAST WEEK!
They missed this chance, but you didn’t.
You were chosen to witness this special night, where Allah looks at His slaves, and if they’re in a state of submission or worship, that alone is a sure ticket to Paradise inshAllah.

The first night is singled out from all the other nights.
Don’t miss it. Trust me, nothing can be more important.

So here’s your FIRST ‘Act of Goodness’ this Ramadan
(Based on the beautiful advice of Sheikh Omar Abdul Kafy)

 

Beginners Level:

Detach for a moment.
Make a long heartfelt sujood (prostration) with full submission, and ask Allah to purify your intentions for this Holy month.
Ask Him to forgive, accept, guide and help you through it…

Advanced Level:

Make two raka’s (what’s a rak’a in English?) before that long beautiful sujood.
Thank Allah for being here, ask Him to guide and help you, pray for those who couldn’t be here this year, and end with a note of gratefulness for all the blessings we take for granted.

Ramadan is sooooooo kareem and generous guys
Let’s take like FULL advantage of it.
Let’s start it right!

Lilly S. Mohsen

30 Acts Of Kindness This Ramadan

30 Acts Of Kindness This Ramadan

 

Ramadan Kareem everyone!

Remember me?
Well. I never thought I’d be the kind of person who gets super excited about Ramadan and fasting in this hot weather.

Yeah, I was right!

I actually usually completely disappear (or more like evaporate) in Ramadan, to hide in my own little cave, just asking Allah to help me survive one more day.
But this year, I plan on doing things differently inshAllah.
Why?

Okay, I’m gonna be honest here. I’ve been studying about healthy habits and positive states of mind and stuff, and I was forced to take an up close and personal look at my ‘emotional’ pattern around this time of year.

About a month before Ramadan, I start reminiscing about the peaceful vibes, the togetherness and how much I need some private, quality time with Allah. I’m all like ‘Soooooooo niceeeeeee!’

But then the closer we get to the first day the more I start panicking. I actually had moments when I’d remember we start fasting in three days and I run to drink water! Add a whole lot of anxiety attacks, palpitations and stress headaches to that scenario and you’ll get a vague idea of my mental state on the night of the first ‘sohoor’. Which reminds me, can we please have a moment of silence for those of us hooked on morning caffeine?

Thank you…

Okay, so to cut a long story short, I’ve decided to do something about my ‘fear of fasting’ phobia. I’m gonna change my habits and actually do my best to seize every single moment of this blessed month, not only through prayer and reading Qur’an, but also by doing one good deed or ‘act of kindness’ a day and I’d love to share my journey with you guys because

  1. I love my readers so much and want them all to get extra rewards, and
  2. When I go public with my goals, I usually stick to them if only just to save face LOL.

Acts-of-kindness

Starting tonight inshAllah, I’ll be putting up ideas for one good deed a day aimed at beginners, and will also options for ‘advance-level-fasting-is-so-easy-for-me’ kind of people to up their challenge-loving hormones too.

See you tonight inshAllah
You guys ready?
Bism Allah….

 

 

 

 

 

 

Season Two: Inside The Therapist’s Office

Office

 

Season Two: Inside The Therapist’s Office
Episode One

Feel The Love

 

Where on Earth would she get a gun in solitary? I wondered silently, my heart pounding so loud, evidently distracting my brain from coming up with a plan.

“Please, don’t” I pleaded. “Trust me, there are other options!”

“I wish that were true” She whispered sadly, pointing the gun to her head.  

“Noooooooooooooo”

 

 

“I’m sorry! I don’t know why I can’t stop laughing! You must think I’m a terrible person!” Salma leaned back in her chair and giggled. This was her second therapy session and she was still refusing to come to terms with her grief.

“I don’t think you’re a terrible person Salma. I’m more interested in what you’re thinking.” I replied. “Sometimes inappropriate reactions are a sign of denial. Perhaps you’re not fully absorbing what had happened to your best friend” I said slowly.

“What is there to absorb? One minute she was a bride-to-be and the next she was lying in a hospital bed circling the drain! And even though she survived, she’ll be living with a disability! She’s actually DISABLED!” Salma paused then cracked up again. “I know it’s not funny! I don’t know what’s wrong with me! I seriously need to stop laughing!”

 

Three months ago…

“SURPRISEEEEEEEEE” All the girls yelled when the bride-to-be walked into Salma’s living room.

“Oh my God!” She covered her face then whirled around to hug her best friend Salma with sparkling eyes full of so much love and gratitude. They called her ‘Supa’, a shorter ‘British accent’ version of her nickname ‘Super Girl’. No one knew how and when she got it, but given her kindness, smartness, talent, beauty and courage, it suited her perfectly. She really was a super girl.

“Tell us about him!”

“Does he have any brothers?”
“I hear he’s the hottest bachelor in the whole country!”

“When is the wedding?”

“I don’t know anything yet!” Supa giggled, her face flushed red. “He just met with my dad two days ago!”

“Girls come on give the blushing bride a break! The groom’s family is having a dinner party tonight, and of course I’m invited because you know, I’m her best friend and all!” Salma teased. “I promise I’ll take pictures and post them on their wedding website!”

“There’s a website?” Supa’s jaws dropped.

“Umm yeah! Now let’s get going. They’re waiting for us in the car. You don’t want to be late and get on your future mother-in-law’s bad side on the very first dinner!” Salma warned.

“Oh my God you know those irritating people who flutter their eye lashes and say ‘I’m so blessed’? Well, I’m one of them now.” Supa giggled. “I really am blessed. AlhamduleAllah”.

 

“I still get nightmares about that car accident. The very same night Supa was thanking Allah for His blessings, she lost everything! She’s in such bad shape, no one is allowed to see her. Why? Why is life so messed up and cruel and mean?” Salma cried.

“It is, isn’t it?” I asked.

“I know I’m not supposed to ask these questions, but I can’t keep it inside anymore! The resentment is eating me up! Why does Allah punish good people and reward bad people? Like in college, the guys who used to drink and smoke and party all night, they were the cool and popular dudes! And the girls dressed in sleazy skintight outfits and had zero morals; they were seen as fun and sexy! And the worst part is good guys fell for them! How twisted is that? I know girls who have done the unspeakable with an array of different boyfriends in the past, and are currently happily married to rich, successful and decent men! Why does God let this happen and then call Himself Fair?”

“So you think if you had loosened up a bit or dressed provocatively, you would have been married by now too?” I asked cautiously.

“I wear the Hijab, pray, read Qur’an and do everything EXACTLY the way I’m supposed to do it! But it obviously makes no difference! I’m still invisible or unapproachable or even unmarriageable and it makes me feel rejected and lonely! I’m not saying I do all of this to land good suitors, but I certainly never thought being on the right path would turn them off either!”

“Why do you do it then?” I asked.

“Because I want to be a good Muslim! I want to go to Jannah! I believe in Allah and love Him but I’m not sure why He hates me so much! And why He constantly tests the believers with hardships and heartaches while rewarding the non-believers with fame, fortune and happiness! It makes me want to scream at the top of my lungs, WHY?! Why does God deny us even the tiniest sources of happiness? Why does He want to see us suffer?”

“Do you believe in the ‘Choco-Purpletine theory’?” I asked.

“I don’t even know what that is. How can I believe in it?” Salma snapped.

“I don’t know either I just made it up. But now, is there a chance that maybe the concept of God is also a fabrication and He doesn’t really exist?”

“No! I firmly believe in Allah and His existence. Nothing you say can possibly change that!” Salma replied.

“If you believe that Allah is Unfair, Unjust and likes to see us suffer then I’m sorry to say you don’t really know Him. And like you said, you can’t believe in something you don’t know. The first pillar of faith is ‘Belief in Allah’. Not just in His mere existence; but also in His lordship, His right to be worshipped alone and in His names and attributes. You say you do everything exactly the way you’re supposed to do it, except it doesn’t mean anything if it’s not from the heart. Like traffic rules, we do them exactly the way we’re supposed to do them. We stop at red lights because we are obligated to do so; it’s the law. Parking on the side to help an old woman or remove a blockage from the road; that’s humanity. Acts with sincere intentions are what purify our hearts and bring us real joy. That’s the difference.” I said.

Despite the unmistakable rage in her eyes, Salma spoke softly.
“I’m allowed to question, Lilly. Even angels questioned Allah when He created Adam. I just need to know, what did ‘Supa’ do to deserve this doomed fate? Why are good people always pushed to their limit? Look around you. Islamophobia, Muslims being shamed, banned and killed because of their beliefs, people defending and celebrating homosexuality. Cheating, adultery, terrorism, violence and death of innocent young souls have all become prevalent. In the face of all this heart ache and misery, why does Allah expect us to strive to be and do better?”

“Because this is the natural outcome of any strong belief; a constant endeavor to reach your goals. We are all fighting battles of our own, slipping in and out of physical, mental and emotional breakdowns. The few who survive and rise above are the heroes who change the world to the better. Look at the Prophets and companions.”
“Oh d, on’t do that” Salma protested, holding up a palm. “Those are unquestionably incomparable legends.”
“Okay then let’s look at modern day heroes. Martin Luther King overcame oppression because he believed in equality. Gandhi changed the world because he never tired from standing up for justice. 14-year-old Malala survived a shooting and is now one of the strongest proponents for education. These are all examples of people who stood up courageously in the face of torture. Their beliefs were strong enough to make a difference in millions of lives. How much more of a right does Allah, the Magnificent Almighty, have on the believers to stand up for their beliefs?

Allah says: “Do the people think that they will be left to say, “We believe” and they will not be tried? But We have certainly tried those before them, and Allah will surely make evident those who are truthful, and He will surely make evident the liars. (Holy Qur’an, 29: 2,3)

If it were easy, everyone would do it. Everyone would believe in God and be special, productive and successful. But it doesn’t work that way honey. Allah is Fair. This is what you sign up for when you aim for Paradise; being tested, tried and purified. You get what you work for Salma, not what you wish for. Faith isn’t merely a philosophy, saying we believe in one God and doing nothing to prove it. There’s a practical aspect to this concept; one we strive to achieve daily. We struggle, push boundaries, and hold onto ‘unseen’ reality. That’s the whole point. In the face of misery and tribulations, strong believers and heroes are born!”

“So you’re saying Allah allows evil only because good things will come out of it?” She asked, tilting her head.

“Exactly!” I smiled.

“What good could possibly come out of Supa’s disability?” Salma wondered.

“I’ll answer this question soon inshAllah, I promise. An act of God always yields positive outcomes. There’s no doubt about it.” I replied. “Tonight, sit alone with Allah and ask Him to show you. Ask Him for everything you wish for. It’s one of the most beautiful forms of worship, for it gravitates you towards Him even more and strengthens your belief. Because when you make du’a from the heart, you must believe Allah is listening. Otherwise you’re just a crazy person talking to someone who isn’t there!”

“True…” Salma walked out of my office completely captivated, I think she stopped blinking!

She went home that night and whispered a silent prayer.

It had to be silent; for no one knew the secret she’d been keeping from her best friend.

No one knew what happened was all her fault..

 

 

To be continued….
 

Lilly S. Mohsen

You’ll Be Surprised Today

Throwback hajj 2015

Day Seven Diary:

 

“Allahu Akbaro Kabeera…

Wal Hamdulellah Katheera…

Wa Sobhan Allah bokratan wa aseela…”

The Eid chant has such a sensational vibe. We said it all the way to Mena where we are supposed to stay for three days. We heard about the hundreds of people who died in the Hajj stampede earlier, may God bless their souls, and I think deep down we are all worried about the coming three days of stoning satan.

May Allah make it easier for us all…

I miss Madina! Outside the Holy Ka’bah, life is a bit harsh. People here are more strict I guess. I was wearing a white abaya yesterday with a soft golden trim, and the mosque guard scolded me! He said women should only wear plain black abayas! What the…?

But Alhamduallah the tawaf was easier than we thought, and I made Duas for all of you at the Hijr of Ismail, 10 inches away from Ka’bah!

Zzzzzzzzzzz

Huh? What?

OMG I think I dozed off for a second! I’m so sorry! Please don’t fire me from the representative job!

Anyways, we still have three days to go and I’m honestly super exhausted. We all are! But we are taking care of each other. Women offer each other water, medicine, fever patches & and soothing hugs. It’s like we are all one family.  Aya, my sister in law said something that made so much sense:

“Look at the pillars of Islam, the intensity of physical effort increases with each pillar. Like the shahada is the least and the Hajj is the most physically tiring. But it works the other way with spirituality. It takes a huge amount of faith to say the shahada from the heart, then it gets easier and easier up until the Hajj. Every single Muslim here is  eager to perform the Hajj by the book and do everything right. The joy of faith and spirituality probably comes as a package with the journey. It’s the Great Lord’s gift to His guests…”

 

It’s that joy that makes the effort and jihad of Hajj worth every second! Yeah, I liked that reflection a lot!

Okay everyone, let’s give Aya a big round of applause!

Now it’s your guys’ turn to represent us in Eid! Go enjoy our beautiful Islamic holiday. Go have fun and do something amazing today. That’s the whole point of Eid… It’s to pause the worry, anxiety and any sadness you might feel, and go out in the sun with your families… Laugh and joke and play games. Be a cheerful you this Eid…

 

You never know what might happen tomorrow. The roads are closed here coz they’re still hauling out the martyrs’ bodies….

Their loved ones will never see them again. They’re not going back home with us, and some of their families and friends will never know how much time they’ve spent raising their hands and making Duas for them here…

So go kiss your parents’ hands. Buy your spouse some flowers and chocolates and let your kids paint your face! Go out and make someone else happy… Bring some smiles and joy to the world around you. Tell your loved ones how much you love them. Call up your estranged cousins and let go of anything that’s upsetting you. Open your heart and wrap your loved ones with your arms… You’ll be surprised at the huge number of people who pray to see you happy… And the number of loved ones who truly need your warm embrace…

 

Have a wonderful blessed Eid….

I’ll miss you all so much…

All my love…

Lilly S. Mohsen