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Day 19: 30 Good Deeds In Ramadan

DAY NINETEEN: Quality Over Quantity

 

No, this won’t be another minimalist post about how ‘less is more’ and stuff. Because there ARE times when ‘more is more’:
-The more the merrier.
-The more positive you are, the happier you’ll be.
-The more Konafa, the better

Those facts constitute the classic lessons in life. They’ll always remain unchangeable, like the day and night.
This writing is more about the ‘changeable’ aspects. The ups and downs we go through, as in the seasons.
Sometimes we’re all bloomed and recharged like the flowers of spring, and others we’re as dry and lifeless as the harshest, colorless fall.
And surprisingly enough, this emotional roller coaster also happens at the most inconvenient times, when we desperately need to be be balanced the most.

Many people have been whimpering about failing and flailing this Ramadan, in terms of worship. I’m not gonna pretend I don’t know what that is. Oh I do! I SO DO!

The curve of enthusiasm and vigorously challenging energy takes off at full speed during the first nights of Ramadan and then starts drooping down around, wait what day is it today? Yup! Right about now, when instead of fueling up for the last ten days, we’re on the floor, flat down on our faces, drained and tired (and probably holding a half eaten cheese samosa)

Yet it’s also right about this time of the blessed month
We forget…

It’s not really the hunger, the hours staying in prayer, or which chapter you’ve reached in the Holy Qur’an.

I heard there’s a village in Yemen where the whole time from Dawn to Dusk is 4 hours!
FOUR hours!
That’s how long it takes to digest a decent meal anyway. And yet they’ll celebrate Eid with us as if nothing happened. They’ll get rewarded for fasting the whole month, even when they weren’t even hungry OR tired or even aware it’s already time for Iftar. (I’m not jealous, I’m just saying…)

There are people who stand for 20 Rak’as in Taraweeh prayer, but their minds are somewhere else.
Others are already on round 14 of finishing reading the whole Qur’an, but perhaps many haven’t taken the time to absorb and contemplate its beautiful meanings.

It’s not the numbers in your brain that count…
It’s the feeling in your heart…
Allah doesn’t need us to give up our food and sleep just so we can say “Sheesh we’re done!”
He wants this month to change something inside us to the better. To touch an inner vulnerability and raise us up to a higher level.

It’s not the obligation, it’s the submission…
It’s not the quantity that matters to Him
It’s the quality… the genuine feeling of the heart
So if you’re starting to dread waking up in the morning, or starting to literally drag your feet to Taraweeh prayers every night, know that you’re not alone. The peak of tiredness might even bring with it feelings of guilt, self-resentment and a tinge of depression. Right?
If your reply was ‘no, not at all’, and you have no idea what I’m talking about, then consider yourself VERY lucky. No I mean VERY VERY lucky and fortunate and blessed! (Again, I’m not jealous, I’m just saying…)

But if you know what I mean, and have been feeling worn out those past couple of days then this act of kindness is just what you need, because it’s a kindness towards yourself…

All Levels:

Ibn Abbas (may Allah be pleased with him) put it beautifully. He said, “Two moderate cycles of prayer in contemplation are better than praying the night with a bad heart.”(Source: al-Zuhd wal-Raqā’iq 288)

Easy on yourself.
Come to your Lord undone, tired, weak or even broken
Come to Him with genuine humility and true devotion
Be ‘real’ with Him. There’s no need to pretend and there’s no reason to quit if you think you’re not good enough this month.
Feel your feelings and come to your Lord with a pure heart
It takes one heartfelt duaa…
One genuine tear…
One moment of loving worship…
Because at the end of the day, it’s the sincerity that counts
It’s what matters the most…

Ramadan Kareem everyone
See you tomorrow inshAllah
Lilly S. Mohsen
 

 

 

 

 

 

Day 17: 30 Good Deeds In Ramadan

 

DAY SEVENTEEN: Grow Through What Others Go Through

You never know when it might happen….
Where you would be or how you’d react…

It was almost 4am.
I had just finished praying Fajr (after swallowing two very much needed sleeping pills), checked on kids and finally closed my eyes, to takeoff to dream world.
It wasn’t long before the high-pitched ringing sound of my phone zonked me right back to reality.
My heart pounded louder than cranes drilling through brick walls. I picked up the phone shivering. It was my sister.
“HELP! My house is on FIRE!”

Think about it about for a minute, will you…?

Because we are all a car accident, a kitchen fire, a blood test, or even a phone call away from becoming completely different people..
The homeless, the bedridden terminal patients, the girls who were brutally raped, the innocent prisoners and the burn victims..
They all could have easily been you and me.
They didn’t ask for it. They didn’t see it coming. They couldn’t have prevented it. And they never thought they’d suffer for years, all for one unpredictable incident.

Because you never know when it might happen….
Where you would be or how you’d react…
You never know what the future is hiding for us, and no matter how hard we try, we can’t prevent the unknown.
Only Allah can….

Beginners Level:

Prayers and paying it forward. Those are the two paths to peace.
When you’re down on your knees begging Allah for the things you need.
Asking Him to take your pain away.
Asking Him to forgive your sins and fill your life with joy
Remember to thank Him and ask for the biggest blessing of all…
Prevention.

Make sure you stay on the right track. Make sure you pay it forward by helping those in need, any way you can, so Allah can help you when you need Him the most…

Advanced Level:

Perhaps you can’t prevent calamities or problems, but you can surely be part of the solution.
You can help put an end to even ONE person’s suffering, or give hope to someone who’s hanging on by a thread.
This is a personal request to try save burn victims, with the intention of being saved from the Hellfire (God forbid)

We don’t have to wait to be knocked down before we can stand up.
Let us grow through learning from what others go through.
And instead of being scared of suffering, let’s take part in the miracle of healing.

Here’s how…

AhlMasr Burn Victims
Donate to one of the following Burn Victim Rescue Channels
Burn Rescue Online: http://www.burnrescue.org/
Children’s Burn Foundation: http://childburn.org/
Egypt’s Burn Unit http://www.ahl-masr.org/donate-online

I know this post is a bit intense and so out of the blues
You’re gonna have to forgive me for that because there’s a Eid surprise for those who do loool
But maybe reading this today is a blessing in disguise
Because we all have fears, and this is your chance to ask Allah, the Most Merciful, during these blessed nights, to please not test you with trials involving your worst fear.
It’s a chance to beg Allah to prevent the ‘worst’, and that alone is probably one of the ‘best’ blessings…
May Allah protect us and all our loved ones
Amen
 

Lilly S. Mohsen

 

 

Day 16: 30 Good deeds In Ramadan

 

DAY SIXTEEN: The 22 Gifts Of Gratitude

 

So most of us know everything mentioned in the Qur’an is absolutely 100% ‘beyond-the-shadow-of-the-doubt’ true, right?
It doesn’t change the fact there’s a lot of fuzzy ambiguity in our heads concerning a number of verses, since you know, we’re not scholars or experts in ‘Fiqh’(Principles of Islamic Jurisprudence) and “Tafseer’(Exegesis). Which are two very difficult fields of study if you’d like to know.

I for one read the Holy Qur’an and sometimes get a bit anxious or angry at myself for not understanding some of it. It’s frustrating! Like when was this part revealed? What was Allah referring to here? What does this word mean? Like oh, this verse sounds harsh. Why would Allah say that when He’s the Most Merciful?
The curious lot will frantically search through YouTube videos for explanations, and stumble upon (or actually deliberately hand pick) Nouman Ali Khan’s lectures, especially the ones keeping us on our toes for that ‘Aha moment’ he’s so good at delivering!
Some of us will get their answers and go back to reading Qur’an, while others will binge online, until 5 hours later they catch themselves researching the ‘101 Uses of Baking Soda’ (true story by the way loool).

Anyways, so I was reading this beautiful verse….

“And [remember] when your Lord proclaimed, ‘If you are grateful, I will surely increase you [in favor]; but if you deny, indeed, My punishment is severe.’ ” (Holy Qur’an 14:7)

And suddenly my eyebrows jumped above my forehead. Oh I was intrigued! How does simple gratitude amplify our blessings and gifts?
I mean how can thanking Allah silently in your mind or sending ‘thank you’ notes to people you’re grateful to, actually have a physically or even an emotionally positive effect on your life?
Will you find extra money in your purse the next day?
Will you suddenly wake up with an ‘updated’ sense of a humor?
Is it maybe symbolic for an increase in status in the Hereafter?
What exactly happens? What ARE the ‘increased’ gains of gratitude?

Okay guys listen.
I know most of us like to be informed, but we need to work like one team.
We need to have each others’ backs.
No one is allowed to wander off online to research the answers alone, because who knows when they’ll be back or what they’ll end up binging on? It’s too dangerous of a risk and the clock is ticking. We’re sticking together, okay?
We can do this! We can focus, brain storm, search Tafseer books and support each other as one independent family. Together ANYTHING is possible!
So… Uhmmmm…
Anyone got Ustadth Nouman’s phone number?

No? Okay loool
Here we go…

Benefits Of Gratitude:

  • 1- Actual Real-Time Happiness:
    Most people think accumulating more wealth is what makes us happy, but then why are so many rich people on antidepressants?
    According to the ‘Hedonic Treadmill’ Effect, as a person makes more money, expectations and desires rise as well, which results in no permanent gain in happiness!
    Reminding our selves of our blessings everyday by thanking God for them has been proven to increase long-term well being by more than 10% since it renews the excitement and joy. (Makes sense)

Health Benefits Of Gratitude

  • 2- Gratitude improves the quality of your sleep
  • 3- Improves overall health, reduces pain and decreases likelihood of developing mental disorders
  • 4- Gratitude extends your lifespan
  • 5- There’s a very strong correlation between vitality and gratitude, which means being grateful actually increases your energy levels.
  • 6- You’re more likely to use that gym subscription or just workout more often when you develop an attitude of gratitude, which in turn makes you healthier.

    What? Sounds far-fetched?
    Well the proof is in the pudding. I mean in the scientific research done by Harvard Medical School See? HARVARD! So we know it’s completely reliable!

Emotional Benefits Of Gratitude:

 

  • 7- Gratitude makes you less ‘jelly’.
    (That’s my lame attempt to sound cool by saying jelly instead of jealous, like how they talk in Teen movies. I can’t pull it off though, can I? loool)
  • 8- Gratitude increases your resilience. It helps you cope with rough situations and bounce right back up.
  • 9- Since the positive nature of gratitude is the opposite of the negativity that comes with stress, gratitude is proven to be one of the best methods for relaxation.
  • 10- It gives you back a beautiful past because when you’re always thankful and focused on the positive aspects of life, you’ll only make good memories. (Kind of like selective Alzheimer’s but you know, nicer lool)
  • 11- Gratitude makes you more optimistic. A brain trained to appreciate the good, will always see the good and expect the good to come.
  • 12- Showing gratefulness for what we have, and thanking others for it, makes us more empathetic, humble and less self-centered.

Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said, “He has not thanked Allah who has not thanked people” (Sunan Abi Dawud)
And you know what this encouragement has led to? BETTER RELATIONSHIPS!

 

  • 13- Gratitude helps you make more friends (because the biggest need for humankind is……? Oh come on, we’ve said it like a million times loool. Yes, exactly, the biggest human need is appreciation)
  • 14- And when people feel appreciated they’ll do more, which obviously leads to better marriages and relationships in general. Seriously guys, a simple ‘thank you’ goes a loooooooooonggggggggggggg way!
  • 15- Most successful people, Valedictorians, celebrities or anyone who’s ever won an important award; they all start their speeches by thanking others. You know why? Because it makes them look good! It makes them honorable and loved and looked up to, when they give credit to others and acknowledge their efforts. It’s like the most charming thing yet! (So yes, to answer your question, an attitude of gratitude will make you charming too, don’t worry)

    Mental Benefits Of Gratitude:
  • 16- Negativity takes a toll on the brain. It keeps it busy worrying, blaming, nitpicking, whining… the list goes on. But when you’re grateful, your brain is at full capacity to work on full speed. It makes sense to say gratitude increases productivity.
  • 17- Likewise, gratitude rewires the brain into thinking anything is possible, which is the main reason why grateful people are better at achieving their goals.
  • 18- It’s a package really, because grateful people obviously have strong faith in Allah. Even during the worst of times, they’re still able to focus on the good, which helps them make good decisions. Nothing can wreck your judgment and choices like being overwhelmed with hopelessness.

 

Spiritual Benefits Of Gratitude

 

  • 19- Gratitude is probably another word for ‘Mindfulness’. When you live ‘the now’, and enjoy every sip of water, or relish the feeling of resting your head on a fluffy pillow after a long day, without being sad about the past or worrying about the future, just appreciating the present moment, that’s the true essence of joy.
  • 20- It gives us much needed ‘spiritual fuel’ to deal with our problems. Just saying ‘Thank God it could have been worse’ has enough motivational power to keep you going.
  • 21- It makes you more generous, for when you’re truly grateful to Allah, you’d want to prove it with more than words. In my country, whenever someone has a baby, moves to a new house, gets married, goes to Hajj, graduates, gets a huge promotion, starts a business, pulls through a major surgery, survives an accident or even buys a new car, they MUST feed the poor. I never understood why we had to kill innocent sheep every time we’re happy, but now I kind of do. Sharing the joy with Allah’s needy salves is a form of gratitude.
  • 22- Gratitude increases one’s faith, because it eliminates the ‘random’ element. One of the most touching scenes ever is seeing a Muslim football player prostrating to Allah gratefully and making sujoud in the middle of the soccer field right after scoring a goal. They know it’s Allah who gave them the skill to play so good. It’s humble and beautiful and ‘oh-so-real’. Gratitude to the Lord sets us straight. It increases our awareness that everything good in this life is from Allah and Allah alone. It’s not random like whatsoever. It’s actually a personalized gift, and out of the billions of people on this planet, it has YOUR name on it.

    There’s no beginner or advanced level today. I’m too shy to interfere with such an intimate, private relationship between you and your Lord. So thank Him, the best way you know how…

 

Thank Him in a way that suits His Magnificence, Perfection, Excellence and Glory…
(Yeah, good luck with that loool)

Oh and while we’re at it…

Can I say…

I’m just completely overwhelmed with all the amazing comments, emails and feedback I’ve gotten in this blessed month. I have no idea what I’ve done to deserve such love and praise.

Thank you Allah for handpicking the most incredible, kind-hearted readers on Earth to read this blog.
And thank you all for your time and your beautiful smiles…

I wish you could see what’s inside my heart coz I have no earthly idea how to express it…I’m just truly, truly grateful…
Thank you…

Thank you so much…

 

Lilly S. Mohsen

 

 

Day Eleven: 30 Good Deeds In Ramadan

 

DAY ELEVEN: Be A Therapist For A Day

 

I’m writing this while being held at gunpoint.

Can I just take a moment before I depart this world to applaud moms who have more than two kids at home….
Seriously, HOW do you do it? Especially single moms like me. No really, HOW?!

My son is sitting right next to me, sending me texts and voice notes on ‘Whatsapp’ while talking to me. And I have to respond to both conversations at the same time or I’m in BIG trouble! And on the other side is my daughter, who had just handed me a revision sheet for me to test her before her final exam tomorrow.
I’m only one person, so how does that work?
Is there some kind of class I missed in high school and that’s why I don’t know this stuff? Loool

 

Even though I’m a very private person, I’ve been told my blog writings can sometimes get ‘too personal’.
Perhaps that’s true….
I guess even the most tight-lipped people will let something slip, because as much as they struggle to stay reserved, they’re human, with a built innate need to be understood. Our ego stands up and nudges us to deny it, but it doesn’t change the fact that we all have a constant crave for our feelings to be validated, no matter how trivial or dramatic they may seem. Sometimes we just need to talk, not to seek solutions or sympathy, but to hear our minds’ inner thoughts and see that we’re not alone, there are people out there who can relate, you know?

Except another part of human nature dictates the exact opposite. We think no one will understand. We think no one else has problems or pain or a ‘plate full of tears’. We can be so self absorbed that we only see our merits and look at other people’s faults, even when it comes to the closest people to our hearts.

Our problems are magnified (coz we are so up close against them with our cheeks squashed into the closed window) and so we fail to notice the rest of the world’s problems, yet insist we’re compassionate people, who live to serve others.

Once the ego stands up, it completely blocks our view of how others might feel..

We expect them to be there for us ALL the time, no matter what they’re going through, yet give ourselves excuses when we can’t do the same..
No wonder some of us end up alone, because a relationship based on ‘always taking’ or ‘always giving’ doesn’t stand a chance..

Does all the above sound a little bit too familiar?
Did it hit home yet?
I know, I would never admit it either, not even to myself loool

Now men might not relate to this very much, but women will totally get it, coz our relationships with family, friends, neighbors and coworkers are what matter to us the most. Once any emotional connection is threatened (especially if it’s a close one) we go a little bit insane.

We TRANSFORM loool.

We turn into creatures we barely recognize; professional blamers, psycho maniacs, stalkers, naggers, private investigators, and bitter hatemongers. We stone wall and shut people out, or just hibernate and disappear into thin air.

And when we’re finally alone, and especially when we realize our relationship with ourselves is devoid of peace and harmony, too, that’s when depression hits hard…

We collapse..

We lose the ability to help ourselves
And that’s when we need help the most..
That’s when we need real ‘empathy’….

You know, sympathy is the easiest thing in the world. You can watch a movie and cry buckets when the noble dad dies, or see a picture of a Syrian refugee and feel your heart ache.
It’s easy because you’re in your comfort zone, safe and detached.
It’s getting down to your knees, and actually feeling that person, that’s the hard part.
It’s putting yourself in their place and realizing the only difference between you and them is a twist of ‘preordained destiny’, the same Divine will that put them there could have easily put YOU in their spot.

We just want to feel like someone understands what we’re going through…
We just want ONE genuine person who won’t run or get defensive, or start lecturing us or emotionally abusing us more when we’re drowning and need help..
For God’s sake…
Be that ONE..

Beginners Level:

It’s time for you to step in.
Someone in your circle has gone through this cycle, hit rock bottom and is now in a dark hole they can’t get out of.
Someone in your circle is sad or depressed and needs to talk,
And you know it!
You just don’t know that you know it loool
Be a therapist for that person today. Just call and ask how they’re doing and mean it.
Listen and let them talk it out…
And you can sue me if you don’t get multiple rewards for this beautiful act of consideration loool.

Advanced Level:

Depressed people are stuck. They can’t get out. They’re not enjoying the suffering and emotional torture, trust me.
They just can’t help but feel down.
So don’t try to give them solutions like ‘let’s go for a run’ or ‘just read Qur’an and you’ll feel better’. No! Coz they really can’t do it.

All they need is for you to empathize. Listen and try to understand and keep following up with as many sad people as you can handle. Keep knocking their doors till they get up and open it for you.

Show them there are still good, caring people in this world…
Maybe just knowing this might be enough for some of them

Special Level:

This one is for my regular and ‘anonymous’ clients
I usually take Ramadan off, but here’s a green card to contact or email me this week (till Saturday) if you guys really wanna talk.
It would be my pleasure to be your online therapist (and hopefully help if Allah will allow it).

You never know…
Sometimes a total stranger can do what a soul mate can’t..

Here’s my email:

lillysmohsen@gmail.com

 

Ramadan Kareem everyone
All my best,

 

Lilly S. Mohsen