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Day 19: 30 Good Deeds In Ramadan

DAY NINETEEN: Quality Over Quantity

 

No, this won’t be another minimalist post about how ‘less is more’ and stuff. Because there ARE times when ‘more is more’:
-The more the merrier.
-The more positive you are, the happier you’ll be.
-The more Konafa, the better

Those facts constitute the classic lessons in life. They’ll always remain unchangeable, like the day and night.
This writing is more about the ‘changeable’ aspects. The ups and downs we go through, as in the seasons.
Sometimes we’re all bloomed and recharged like the flowers of spring, and others we’re as dry and lifeless as the harshest, colorless fall.
And surprisingly enough, this emotional roller coaster also happens at the most inconvenient times, when we desperately need to be be balanced the most.

Many people have been whimpering about failing and flailing this Ramadan, in terms of worship. I’m not gonna pretend I don’t know what that is. Oh I do! I SO DO!

The curve of enthusiasm and vigorously challenging energy takes off at full speed during the first nights of Ramadan and then starts drooping down around, wait what day is it today? Yup! Right about now, when instead of fueling up for the last ten days, we’re on the floor, flat down on our faces, drained and tired (and probably holding a half eaten cheese samosa)

Yet it’s also right about this time of the blessed month
We forget…

It’s not really the hunger, the hours staying in prayer, or which chapter you’ve reached in the Holy Qur’an.

I heard there’s a village in Yemen where the whole time from Dawn to Dusk is 4 hours!
FOUR hours!
That’s how long it takes to digest a decent meal anyway. And yet they’ll celebrate Eid with us as if nothing happened. They’ll get rewarded for fasting the whole month, even when they weren’t even hungry OR tired or even aware it’s already time for Iftar. (I’m not jealous, I’m just saying…)

There are people who stand for 20 Rak’as in Taraweeh prayer, but their minds are somewhere else.
Others are already on round 14 of finishing reading the whole Qur’an, but perhaps many haven’t taken the time to absorb and contemplate its beautiful meanings.

It’s not the numbers in your brain that count…
It’s the feeling in your heart…
Allah doesn’t need us to give up our food and sleep just so we can say “Sheesh we’re done!”
He wants this month to change something inside us to the better. To touch an inner vulnerability and raise us up to a higher level.

It’s not the obligation, it’s the submission…
It’s not the quantity that matters to Him
It’s the quality… the genuine feeling of the heart
So if you’re starting to dread waking up in the morning, or starting to literally drag your feet to Taraweeh prayers every night, know that you’re not alone. The peak of tiredness might even bring with it feelings of guilt, self-resentment and a tinge of depression. Right?
If your reply was ‘no, not at all’, and you have no idea what I’m talking about, then consider yourself VERY lucky. No I mean VERY VERY lucky and fortunate and blessed! (Again, I’m not jealous, I’m just saying…)

But if you know what I mean, and have been feeling worn out those past couple of days then this act of kindness is just what you need, because it’s a kindness towards yourself…

All Levels:

Ibn Abbas (may Allah be pleased with him) put it beautifully. He said, “Two moderate cycles of prayer in contemplation are better than praying the night with a bad heart.”(Source: al-Zuhd wal-Raqā’iq 288)

Easy on yourself.
Come to your Lord undone, tired, weak or even broken
Come to Him with genuine humility and true devotion
Be ‘real’ with Him. There’s no need to pretend and there’s no reason to quit if you think you’re not good enough this month.
Feel your feelings and come to your Lord with a pure heart
It takes one heartfelt duaa…
One genuine tear…
One moment of loving worship…
Because at the end of the day, it’s the sincerity that counts
It’s what matters the most…

Ramadan Kareem everyone
See you tomorrow inshAllah
Lilly S. Mohsen
 

 

 

 

 

 

Day 18: 30 Good Deeds In Ramadan

 

DAY EIGHTEEN: Count Your Compliments

 

Raise your hand if you know this hadith

“A good word is charity” (Bukhari and Muslim)

Okay that was easy.
How about mmmmm let’s see…
Yes this one:

“Guard yourselves against the Fire (of Hell) even if it be only with half a date-fruit (given in charity); and if you cannot afford even that, you should at least say a good word.” (Al Bukhari and Muslim)

Seriously? Even this one?

“Whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let him say something good, or else remain silent.” (Sunan Ibn Majah 3971)

Since you guys already know all these hadiths then I have a bone to pick with you! (and with myself as well since I raised my hand in all three lool)
Why don’t we do it more often? Why do we make it sound like giving compliments is reserved for sweet talkers or ‘users’? Why is it so hard to do for some of us when, according to the above hadiths (the ones you all confirmed you knew very well) saying good words and giving compliments are:

1- considered charity, which is basically a profitable investment in your Hereafter.
2- an extremely important tool in Islam it’s even equated with ‘guarding ourselves from the Hellfire’
3- not even an option, since we obviously believe in Allah and the Last Day. We are obligated to either say good words or to HUSH

Compliments


Why giving compliments is such a big deal in Islam:

According to one study done at the National Institute for Physiological Sciences in Japan, receiving compliments activates the area called ‘striatum; which in the brain, triggers as much social reward as being rewarded with money.
There’s actual scientific proof showing praise as being a catalyst for better ‘skill consolidation’.
And it makes sense.
Good words have the power to spread positive energy. An appreciated person will almost always do their best to maintain that amazing feeling. Compliments can change the nature of relationships, fix marriages, boost children’s self esteem, raise productivity levels at work, and can benefit the whole society with its ripple effect.
That is when they’re given properly and sincerely of course.
Otherwise they backfire and are a complete and total fail!

You see, for my act of kindness I complemented a stranger at the mosque.
“I really like your abaya” I smiled.
She looked me up and down, frowned, then looked the other way.
What did I doooooo?
Suddenly I was the one needing soothing loool.

But I didn’t give up. I tried again.
And since I wasn’t doing well with strangers, I decided to compliment my own people. Starting with my nephew.
“Ali, you look sharp this morning”
“I just woke up. I didn’t even shower yet! What’s going on?”

There’s a difference between compliments and lies! The kind words you say must be from the heart, otherwise they’ll never reach the heart. Instead, you’ll be known as a ‘hypocrite’, a ‘fake’ or I don’t know, ‘Pinocchio’ loool.
Compliments are meant to train us to look for the good and the beauty in people.
To focus on their strengths and not their weaknesses.
Compliments are like giving gifts to others without expecting a reward.
And guys, listen up, Allah knows your intentions and He knows what goes on inside the head of your head! Compliments are NOT to be used as pick up lines or a means to flirt. None of that ‘Oh so did it hurt when you feel from heaven?’ kind of thing, you hear me?
Coz chances are, no it didn’t hurt!
Her dad caught her.
And he’s really strong
and SCARY!
Loool

Okay, time for today’s act of kindness.

Beginners Level:

Spend the day complimenting others. And even if they’re not amused, please don’t be discouraged. Some people aren’t used to hearing kind words. Others are just shy (I remember years of mumbling irrelevant words whenever someone complimented me!)
Even if you don’t mean it, keep practicing. Compliment people on their smiles, their skills, their outfits, their left nostrils!
Anything at all. Practice makes perfect. Don’t worry, it will eventually evolve from the heart…

Advanced Level:

Monitor and evaluate yourself.
We all think we give loads of compliments, but do we really?
Be aware of your conversations and try to squeeze in the good words any chance you get. Compliment the poor and the less fortunate.
Because sometimes one word can change someone’s whole world…

And while we’re here, let me ask you for a little favor…

Can I please have your recipe for being so fabulous? : )
Ramadan Kareem
See you guys tomorrow inshAllah

All my love,

Lilly S. Mohsen

 

 

Day 15: 30 Good Deeds In Ramadan

 

DAY FIFTEEN: Remember Those Who Have Left

 

I really don’t want this to be a sad post..
But let’s be honest, losing loved ones is sad.
It’s probably the first thing that comes to our mind when we try to define ‘grief’

I don’t wanna open old wounds or trigger the pain of loss again. But I don’t see a way around it, especially since today’s act of kindness is directed towards the ones who couldn’t be here with us this Ramadan.
The ones who have passed away, leaving so many memories behind that are still very much alive.

 

In my mind, death is like this dark ghost lurking the hallways, looking for lives to steal.

And even though we know it’s inevitable

We KNOW our time on this Earth is limited

And that sooner and later we’re all gonna die

It STILL feels farfetched and probably improbable (were you able to pronounce that without involuntary ‘eye-crossing’ loool?)

 

It still comes as a surprise when one of us goes
It still feels so ‘unexpected’
So ‘no-that-can’t-be-true’

Confession: I consistently ask Allah to take me first before all my loved ones. My mom thinks I’m selfish, but maybe some people are okay with being selfish in this specific scenario!

Allah knows some of us can’t even discuss the concept of losing a loved one forever..

And it’s not because our faith isn’t strong..

It’s because are hearts are so weak..

 

And no, it’s not the loss that tears us apart the most..
It’s the love for that person…
The love that stays ‘unfinished’, with so many things left unsaid.

It’s not them passing away, but us letting all this time pass by without weaving the best memories out of it.
Without telling them how much they’re needed, loved and missed..

Maybe grief is a different form of love..
Maybe this intense, hollow sadness is actually the love you wish to give to someone who has ceased to exist in this world..

And today, there’s a way to give it. I promise…

Beginners Level:

Make heartfelt du’aa for your deceased loved ones, because you know what happens next?

Your prayers will be wrapped up like special gifts (with a big bow and a little card and everything) then delivered to those who have passed. Allah is Kind and Merciful enough to make our sincere du’aa bring joy to our departed loved ones, raise them in status or ease their pain.

 

Advanced level:

Prophet Muhammad (may peace and blessings be upon him) cried when he visited his mom’s grave. He wept so much till everyone else around him wept too..

Go visit your loved ones’ graves, for it’s the best reminder of the reality of this temporary world.. and make du’aa for them. I’m sure they’ll be surprised with your beautiful gifts.

 

May Allah bless the souls of our loved ones who passed away..
And help us love, embrace and appreciate the ones who are alive

While we still can…

 

If you guys have a minute, please allow me to whisper a special prayer….

Oh my Dear Allah, only You know what’s in our hearts…
Only You understand the pain of separation from those who took a part of us with them and left..
Our loved ones are under Your care and protection so protect them please..

Forgive and have mercy upon them, for You are the the Most Forgiving and the Most Merciful

Oh Allah, please forgive them….

Excuse them and pardon them and make honorable their reception
Expand their entry and cleanse them with water, snow and ice
And purify them of sins, the way a white robe is washed and purified from filth and dirt
Exchange their homes here in this life for better homes close to You
Protect them from the punishment of the grave and the torment of the Hellfire
And admit them with Your mercy into the Gardens of Paradise

My dear, Most Merciful Allah..
We beg You before we go to soothe this pain in our hearts

To send them our duaa in beautifully wrapped presents, and let them know they’ll always be in our hearts till we meet them again.

My Lord, You are the Most Loving, and the Most Compassionate
Do not leave us to ourselves not even for a split second…

And please…
Take care of our broken hearts…

 

Amen

Lilly S. Mohsen